Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
