so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
