I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
