i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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