i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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