Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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