wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
