I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize