I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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