Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
