Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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