I cannot find my penis.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize