My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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