The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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