I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
