You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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