I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
