I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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