I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
