I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
