Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
