Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
