i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
