Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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