at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
