Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
