You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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