you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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