I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize