Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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