My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize