Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
