Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
