I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
