I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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