Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
