the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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