Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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