recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
