sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
that is very illegal...i love you.
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