Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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