To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
