I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
