It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
