I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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