I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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