I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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