Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
