After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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