Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
