I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
