what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Congratulations! We have a period
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
