ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize