My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Please don't give away my fajitas
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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