That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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