I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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