RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
