K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
