peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
