Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
