Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
