When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
