My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
