Im at strip club and am horny
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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