Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
