I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
