i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
