Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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