At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
