just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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