he shaved USA in his pubs
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
