Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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