The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
